** Looking back **

Looking back, seems like i've not achieve anything before.
Greatest regret is that i did not study hard enuff during my o'level. Thus needa repeat my o's. Quite a terrible year for me.

Still remember my 1st day back in sch. Somewhere in April. Cos i only went back to sch after knowing tt i couldn't get into any course. Luckily the principal was kind enuff to take me back. It was really quite stupid i think. Jus bcos i flunk my Physic, i couldn't get into poly. In the end, i opted for sub-science. Something that i can manage. And hurtful thing was my sis told me that i shldn't have taken up Pure science stream knowing well that i dun have tt capability. Very bad rite, well that's my sis lah. Dun like also gotta live with it rite?
Anyway, 1st day of sch. Got a chemisty class test. I think i only score 1 or 2 marks base on 50. Bad isn't it. And i feel so out of place. Dun know the pple arn me. Teacher was kinda surprise to see me back in sch. Didn't really retake all the subject. Took only my E maths, A maths, Chinese and sub science.
Kinda wasting my time rite? To retake jus bcos of the science.

So most of the time i will spend my time at the foyer. Revising on my own. After sch needa stay back till 5pm everyday also. That's the rule given to repeat student. So everyday hang arn with the same bunch of pple. Still quite alright cos i know them quite well also. And thanks to a friend who was there with me. Very close to her then. Still remember the walk home. Nice memories. But seldom contact already.
Ya talk abt repeat student. Really hate pple calling us repeat student. Why must have that repeat word? To humiliate us? WTF.. Really can get quite annoyed.
But most of the time when i'm alone, i will start to think alot and cry also. Thinking why do i have such fate. Thinking why did i flunk my exams. And can't accept the fate that i'm one of the few that will have to go thru this stage. Really feel that i've disgrace my family. Still remember asking my mum whether is she ashamed of me. Until today, i still can remember the pain i've suffered. I know i can't blame anyone but myself. It's my own doings that lead me to this path. This is something that i will not forgive myself.

But bcos of this incident, i learn to be independant. As at that pt, i happen to fall out with my close friends. Reason quite stupid also. Won't elaborate much here as i feel these are history to me. Will try my best to forget it. Anyway after my 2nd 'O's, we sorta be friends again. Till now, we are still contacting each other. Thou i guess the feeling won't be the same anymore. I've become quite 'bo chap' also. So do i thank them or what? For letting me to become a person that is not dependant on someone. Was this also the reason that i'm not able to find my happiness? Cos i dun leave a gd 1st impression on pple. I tend to lock myself up rite? So can see that my circle of friends is quite small cos i dun like to socialise arn. I always have this concept that if u are fated to be my friend, i do not need to resort to ways to get to know u. We will know each other as plan by fate.
Haiz... lots of things to say but dun know where to begin with.
Too free will tend to 胡思乱想. Must wake up from my world liao.